Thursday, August 30, 2012

Letting God Write My Love Story

Throughout this entire online dating process I have been saying over and over that God was telling me to trust Him more with each new circumstance...even outside of online dating. I said it and said it and said I was going to trust Him, but I never really did. Each time I tried to force what I wanted to happen instead of relying on Him. I kept forcing this online dating issue when I knew all along that it wasn't for me - at least right now.

A great friend of mine recommended that I read "When God Writes Your Love Story" when I was going through my divorce, but I never did. As I started to look at books on dating to read, that one came up again and I decided to give it a read.

I had no idea what I was about to enter as I read through the pages.

Don't judge - I started reading the book while I was bored at work one day and I am so grateful that I had an office at the time because what I read caused me to break in a big way.

"Trust Me. I love you more than you could ever comprehend and I have your very best in mind."

"If God is going to write your love story, you first need to hand over the pen."

I was holding the pen and saying that I trust that God can write a great love story, but I'm going to write my own and give Him the credit. As I read this chapter, I gave Him back His pen and surrendered my love story to Him once and for all. I didn't give up on dating.I'll go on dates, but I am no longer going to be searching for them. I truly trust that as I continue to seek God during this time of being single and serve Him in ways I may not be able to do as a married woman, I will meet a man who is doing the same. We will meet because we are seeking God, not because we are seeking each other.

As I made that commitment to God, He spoke very clearly through I desire I have to build deep relationships with other singles at church. That story is to be continued another day.

-Taken from my blog Leave me your email if you'd like access to it.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

I get so emotional baby...

I have struggled with depression for a long time and recently (within a year) decided that I needed to take medication again.

This past week I stopped taking it and I didn't realize that it was numbing more than my depressed feelings. After a few days without it, I laughed genuine laughter in a a movie today and cried during a commercial. I can concentrate on doing one thing at a time without spacing out.

I didn't realize how my emotions were being blocked and it felt so good today to really feel happiness and sadness.