Monday, December 10, 2012

Worth the risk

Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
I'm so tired of turning and running away
When love just isn't...

Everything you want, but its everything you need
Its not always happy endings but its all the in between
Its taken so long, so long to finally see
That Your love is worth the risk
Safe by Britt Nicole

After my divorce I spent a lot of time opening up to people about my circumstances and it was welcomed with warm hearts and compassion from people. I had so much support and received so much love as I learned about who I am. I have spent a lot of time loving on broken people and re-giving the compassion given to me. I thought I was open, honest and vulnerable with people...

Until I started to date again. At first I thought it was my finickiness  but soon realized that I was afraid. I was afraid to love. I was afraid of rejection. I was afraid that the person I had come to know in myself wouldn't be accepted unconditionally by anyone else. I learned I hadn't fully accepted that person either. 

I put up walls to protect myself from that rejection and ended up sabotaging anything that meant letting someone in to know the "real" me. I wanted to be safe. I figured if I was intentional I'd be safe. Too bad its not what God has called me or you to do. 

Starting last year, I decided to make only one New Years' resolution and it was to say "yes" to God. This year, my resolution is to stop living safe and to love like crazy. To do that, my walls have to break and I have to let people see the real me...I have to let people KNOW the real me. 

I get anxiety just thinking about it, but I know it is how God is calling me to live. I accepted myself and see myself through God's eyes. Now it is time to let others do the same.

His love is worth the risk...

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