Monday, April 18, 2011

Why This Blog?

I have wanted to start this blog for a long time and a lot of conversations recently have given me the final push to start it. I have been talking to one of my bestest friends lately about writing a book. She is trying to figure out what she should/could write about. And me? I've just been toying with being able to write as a career, let alone right a book. She keeps bringing up Christian publishers and places to write about my faith as she comes across them. Funny thing is that she just knows me and I think just knows that is my where thoughts have been.

I went to my womens life group tonight discouraged at the way it has been going the past few months. Actually, very close to being ready to quit. I thought the group wasn't for me anymore. I "outgrew" it. Before it started tonight, a trusted friend mentioned that I needed to look at what I wanted out of the group because it maybe isn't going to be what I want to get out of it, but the reality of what I CAN get out of it. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I wasn't going to get what I wanted to from it, but it had more to offer me and I more to offer to it actually. In discussing it with other women, God revealed to me the amount of bitterness I was holding onto because the group wasn't what I wanted. I thought I had changed my expectations ,but I hadn't. I was holding back from sharing and speaking into others' lives because they didn't expect the same things I was. The more we spoke and opened up tonight, the more I saw how we do need each other. In fact, a conversation in this group tonight made me see other reason why I needed to finally start getting my thoughts out.

"My faith has been in my head and not in my heart."

I "graduated" from counseling (see my other blog for more on why I was going to counseling) and I also stopped processing how God was working in my life...where I was seeing Him, How I was responding...I lost accountability in reading my Bible. In fact, I lost the desire to even open it up after many times of me saying I just needed to do it without the feeling or I never would. Well, I got to the point of close to never. I hope that journaling and blogging will help my start processing my thoughts again, as well as keep me accountable. 

When I do express my thoughts and "revelations," people tend to relate. So, I hope that this blog will help people see they are not alone in their thoughts. They are not alone when they are wrestling with God. They are not alone when they are desperate to see His face. They are not alone when they lose hope. I hope that my thoughts will help people self-reflect and give people hope to continue "fighting the good fight" through life.

The title and my passion to start the blog tonight came to me on my drive home tonight. The song "Revelation" by Third Day came on as I was processing my group's conversations. The song has been an anthem for my life during the past two years. God has shown up in BIG ways and it has been no mistake when He was speaking. I have not been experiencing that lately and have felt a bit lost.  I have been so desperate to to see Him in a big way that I almost mistook a a situation as a "mountain top" experience from Him when it wasn't my move to make. So, instead of trying to put Him in a situations because I need to move, I am going to seek Him for all direction..stay or move. Be still or make a change. 

Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying to find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without you
I've got nothing without you

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