Thursday, April 28, 2011

Worrying (adj): Not trusting God

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus
Philippians 4:19 NLV
Wouldn't it be nice if all decisions in life came with a worry-free warranty. 
It doesn't even have to be five years. I'll take a 24-hour guarantee. 

I am officially worrying. Below is my list of worries:
Living with my parents
Supporting two kids as a single mom
The Lakers
Okay, so I am not really worried about the Lakers. They will take tonight's game six and eventually the title. Sorry to all of my other friends who like any other team besides the Lakers. It is just truth. 

The other things I am worried about. I was denied my unemployment today because I quit my job, even though I quit my job to care for my kids.
I am going to petition their decision.
But, thinking about having no money right now reminds me that I have no job right now and then my mind just starts going and going and going...and eventually I start thinking about how I only want to live with my parents for a year - tops. Then, I need to get a job so I can pay off my mounds of debt and unpaid bills since I have not been the greatest at budgeting and not the smartest when it comes to spending.  Then I starting thinking about my spousal support ending in two and a half years and by then I need to have all of my debt paid off AND have a good job to support my kids on Arizona child support though we live in California. So, I can't just get any job right now, but I need one that I can advance in. All of that on top of me being a stay-at-home mom for so long and working from home with a high school diploma-type job. I could go on and on and on more, but I will spare you my long thought trains. 

Today the train went past the "if I were still married I wouldn't be AS worried because I would be treading these stormy waters with my husband." 

That is where God spoke to me.

I don't need my husband back.
He didn't weather the storms we had in our marriage with me. 
I don't need another husband to rescue me.
One day I would like one though. It is still a desire in me. 

For your Creator will be your husband;
      the Lord of Heaven’s Armies is his name!
   He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel,
      the God of all the earth.
 6 For the Lord has called you back from your grief—
      as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband,”
      says your God.
Isaiah 54:5-6 NLV

God wants to be my husband right now. 
He doesn't want me to rely on a man for support right now. 
He wants me to rely on Him. 
He doesn't want me to rely on myself.
He doesn't want me to be alone. 
I am not alone.
God is with me always.
He will never leave me or forsake me.
He will hold me tight as the waves crash around me. 
He does not want me to worry. 
He is everything I need.
I am so encouraged after hearing Him speak. 
I pray that I can start to live this instead of just knowing it in my head. 

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